Over the years, I’ve helped a lot of students writing and editing their college and university application essays.
It’s a really tricky balance to strike with these essays.
On the one hand, you don’t want to sound like you’re bragging or showing off.
At the same time, you want to show off. Just in a subtle way…
I’m writing this post to give you some direction based on my experiences over the years with the students that have been most successful with their applications.
The key is to stand out and impress the admissions officers – without seeming like you are trying too hard to impress!
Check out my FAQ for application essays here.
Dave
Ditch the Clichés and Get Specific
Admissions officers read thousands of essays every year, and the quickest way to get lost in the shuffle is by writing something vague and generic. Phrases like “I have always had a passion for helping others” or “This experience taught me the value of hard work” don’t actually say much about who you are. Instead, focus on specific details and concrete moments that bring your story to life.
How to Do This:
- Tell a story. Instead of saying, “I love science,” describe the time you accidentally turned your kitchen into a chemistry experiment gone wrong.
- Use sensory details. What did the moment look, sound, or feel like? Instead of “I felt proud,” describe the adrenaline rush in your chest when your project won first place.
- Avoid sweeping statements. Instead of “This changed my life,” explain exactly how it changed you—maybe it made you more patient, more curious, or even more skeptical.
Bragging Without Sounding Like You’re Bragging
It’s a college application—you have to talk about yourself. But there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. The trick? Show your accomplishments through actions, not empty declarations.
How to Do This:
- Give credit to others. Instead of “I led my team to victory,” try “My team and I spent weeks strategizing, and in the final moments of the game, our plan paid off.”
- Let the impact speak for itself. Instead of “I am an incredible problem solver,” tell a story about a time you found a creative solution to an unexpected challenge.
- Use humor or humility. If you’re writing about winning a debate championship, you might mention the time you tripped over your own shoelaces on stage before delivering the winning argument.
Keep Your Language Simple and Unpretentious
Big words won’t impress admissions officers if they make your essay sound unnatural. Writing with clarity and personality is far more effective than stuffing your essay with fancy vocabulary.
How to Do This:
- Write how you talk (but cleaner). If you wouldn’t say “heretofore” in real life, don’t put it in your essay.
- Use short, punchy sentences. A sentence like “I froze. My mind went blank. And then—I remembered.” is much more engaging than “I suddenly experienced a mental lapse before recovering my train of thought.”
- Read it out loud. If you stumble over a sentence, chances are it’s too complicated.
A Few Final Tips
- Start early. A rushed essay is an obvious essay.
- Edit mercilessly. The best essays go through multiple drafts. Get rid of anything that doesn’t add value.
- Be yourself. If your essay sounds like it could have been written by anyone, rewrite it until it sounds like you.
Writing a great college application essay isn’t about using the biggest words or listing every achievement. It’s about telling a compelling story that only you can tell. Be specific, be honest, and most of all—be you.
Authenticity shines through.
Bad Examples
Here are some examples of bad college application essays that are too general, clichéd, and full of platitudes and vague statements. These essays lack the depth and personal touch needed to stand out.
Example 1: The “I Love Helping People” Essay
Prompt: “Describe a significant experience or accomplishment that has shaped who you are today.”
Essay:
“I have always been passionate about helping others. From volunteering at my local food bank to tutoring younger students, I believe that giving back to my community is one of the most important things a person can do. Helping others has taught me the value of kindness, generosity, and the importance of making a difference in the world. I know that these values will guide me through college and beyond, and I hope to continue serving others for the rest of my life.”
Why it’s bad:
- Vagueness: The essay is extremely general and doesn’t provide specific examples of how the applicant has helped others or what they learned from these experiences.
- Lack of Depth: It sounds like a platitude that could apply to anyone, and it doesn’t offer any real insight into the applicant’s personality or growth.
- No Personal Connection: The essay doesn’t discuss why these experiences were meaningful to the applicant, making it difficult for the reader to connect with the writer.
Example 2: The “Overcoming Adversity” Essay
Prompt: “Describe a challenge you have overcome and how it has shaped you.”
Essay:
“Life is full of challenges, and I believe that overcoming adversity is what makes people stronger. I have faced many obstacles in my life, but I never give up. Every challenge, whether it’s personal or academic, has taught me resilience and perseverance. I know that these traits will help me succeed in college and in life. Overcoming difficulties makes us better people, and I am proud of the way I have grown through each experience.”
Why it’s bad:
- Cliché: The essay uses a tired, generic theme about overcoming adversity without offering any real, specific details or examples.
- Lack of Personalization: There’s no explanation of the specific challenge faced, how it was overcome, or what the applicant learned in the process. It could apply to any applicant and doesn’t showcase anything unique about the writer.
- No Reflection: The essay doesn’t demonstrate self-reflection or show how the applicant has changed or developed. It simply states general ideas about resilience and growth.
Example 3: The “I Want to Change the World” Essay
Prompt: “What are your academic interests and goals for the future?”
Essay:
“I want to change the world. I am passionate about making a difference, whether through science, technology, or community service. My goal is to find a way to solve the world’s problems, like hunger, poverty, and environmental destruction. I believe that with hard work and dedication, I can make an impact and help improve the lives of others. College is the next step in my journey to becoming a change-maker, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds.”
Why it’s bad:
- Vague: The essay lacks concrete examples of how the applicant plans to change the world. The statement is aspirational, but it’s not grounded in any real actions or specifics.
- Too Broad: The essay is filled with grandiose statements like “change the world” and “solve the world’s problems,” but without any details on how the applicant intends to do that. It’s unclear what the applicant is actually interested in.
- Lack of Depth: There’s no personal insight into why the applicant is passionate about these issues, nor is there any discussion of their specific academic interests. It sounds like a generic, overly ambitious statement without real substance.
Example 4: The “My Family is Amazing” Essay
Prompt: “Describe an influential person in your life.”
Essay:
“My family has always been there for me. They have supported me through thick and thin, and I am so grateful for everything they’ve done for me. My parents have taught me the importance of hard work, dedication, and kindness. They always encourage me to pursue my dreams and never give up. Because of them, I know that I can do anything I set my mind to. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without their constant love and support.”
Why it’s bad:
- Cliché: This essay is filled with generic, overly sentimental statements about family that don’t add any depth or new perspective.
- Lack of Specificity: It doesn’t provide any concrete examples of how the family supported the applicant or what the applicant specifically learned from them.
- No Personal Insight: It doesn’t explain how the applicant has grown or been influenced by their family in any unique or meaningful way. It’s simply a thank-you note rather than an insightful narrative.
Example 5: The “I’m a Leader” Essay
Prompt: “What leadership qualities do you possess, and how have they influenced your life?”
Essay:
“I am a natural leader. Throughout high school, I have taken on leadership roles in clubs, sports teams, and student organizations. I am always the one to step up and take charge. I believe that leadership is about being responsible, making decisions, and motivating others. My experiences have taught me how to manage people and work in teams. I know that these skills will help me succeed in college and beyond.”
Why it’s bad:
- Overuse of Generalities: The essay doesn’t offer any specific examples or stories to demonstrate the applicant’s leadership abilities. It’s full of vague statements like “natural leader” and “motivating others.”
- Lack of Evidence: The applicant says they have taken on leadership roles, but doesn’t explain what challenges they faced, how they grew, or how they impacted others.
- No Reflection: The essay doesn’t show any personal growth or reflection on the leadership experience. It simply states that the applicant is a leader without explaining how or why that matters.
Key Takeaways:
- Avoid clichés: Steer clear of overused phrases like “helping others,” “overcoming adversity,” or “changing the world.”
- Be specific: Use concrete examples to illustrate your experiences, traits, and growth.
- Show, don’t tell: Rather than making sweeping statements, use specific moments to demonstrate your qualities and achievements.
- Reflect: Show how your experiences have shaped you and helped you grow, not just what you’ve done.
Good Example
Prompt: Describe a significant experience or accomplishment that has shaped who you are today.
Essay:
I sat cross-legged on the cracked pavement outside our school building, hands trembling as I held the damp, worn-out tennis racket. The summer heat of Houston wrapped itself around me like a suffocating blanket, but I barely noticed. I was focused on the ball that lay before me on the cracked asphalt court. It was a Tuesday, the day of the annual student tennis tournament, and for the first time, I was about to play on a team.
For years, I had watched from the sidelines. My school’s tennis team had always been dominated by students with years of experience, the ones who had been to tennis camps or had private coaches. I had none of that. Growing up, we couldn’t afford tennis lessons or fancy equipment. But my dad had picked up a racket when he was younger, and he would take me to the local park every Saturday morning to practice. Those weekends weren’t about winning or competition; they were about bonding. He taught me the mechanics, but more than that, he taught me patience.
I didn’t expect to be good. In fact, I fully anticipated being the weak link on the team. But what I hadn’t expected was the rush of vulnerability that hit me the moment I stepped onto the court for the first match. I was a small, shy kid who hated attention, and here I was, expected to hit a ball over a net in front of my teammates and a crowd of students. My heart pounded. I glanced at my teammates: Aaliyah, who had been playing since she was five, and Sam, who, despite being taller than me by a few inches, was also new to tennis but a natural athlete.
We were paired against the school’s best team that year. I could already see the looks of doubt on some of the more experienced players’ faces when they saw me holding my racket.
The match started. My hands were still trembling, and my first serve sent the ball flying so far off course it barely skimmed the edge of the sideline. I apologized, but Sam gave me a quick nod. “You got this,” he said, as if he believed it.
The first few games were a blur. I missed more than I hit, and Aaliyah and Sam did most of the heavy lifting. But with every serve and every rally, I started to find my rhythm. I remembered my dad’s advice: “It’s about consistency, not power.” By the final set, I was more focused than I had been all afternoon, even if I still wasn’t technically good. But it didn’t matter. I wasn’t just playing for myself anymore. I was playing for my teammates, for the bond we had built over those 30 minutes.
We won that match. Not because we were the better team, but because we worked together. We knew each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and that’s where we found our advantage. Aaliyah’s serve and Sam’s agility were the perfect complement to my steady volleys. By the end, we had each other’s backs in a way that transcended skill.
Later, when I was sitting with my teammates in the locker room, still processing the win, Aaliyah turned to me. “You know, we all thought we were just here to play tennis,” she said, her face still flushed from the match. “But it’s not just about hitting the ball. We make each other better.”
It hit me then. I wasn’t just playing tennis anymore; I was part of something bigger than myself. I had spent so much time thinking that my lack of experience would hold me back, but in reality, it was my willingness to contribute in whatever small way I could that made the difference. It wasn’t about being the best player on the court—it was about how we worked together and pushed each other to improve, regardless of skill level.
That match taught me something I still carry with me today: It’s not always about the outcome or how perfect your skills are. What matters is your ability to show up, support the people around you, and give your best effort, no matter the odds.
Since that day, I’ve learned not to be afraid of stepping outside of my comfort zone. I’ve become more involved in my school community, taking on leadership roles in clubs and projects, even when I felt like I wasn’t the “perfect” candidate. I’ve also been able to mentor younger students who are just starting to explore tennis, showing them the same patience and perseverance my dad once showed me.
I’ll never forget the feeling of walking off that court, still in disbelief that we had won. More than the match, I realized that overcoming my own self-doubt had been the biggest victory. And every time I face a new challenge—whether in tennis, academics, or life—I remember that it’s not about being perfect. It’s about showing up, pushing through, and believing in the process. And for that, I’ll always be grateful to that hot Tuesday afternoon on the tennis courts.
Why is this essay good?
This essay presents a specific, relatable experience that demonstrates personal growth and reflection. It avoids clichés and vague statements, focusing on a meaningful moment of vulnerability and teamwork, and it reveals how this experience shaped the applicant’s perspective on leadership and self-confidence. The use of a simple, yet powerful anecdote makes the story feel authentic and grounded in reality.
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